I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
