Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
how does that bad decision feel?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
