I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
