My nipple is on Facebook.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
