I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
