well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
