Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
