If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
