$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
