Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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