i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
