and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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