thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
