hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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