my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
