Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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