ya dads aren't the best wingmen
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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