I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It's just like the Real World with babies
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
