We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
