Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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