Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
