Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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