this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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