You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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