I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
