hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm too high and old for this...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
