I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
