I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
