I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
