Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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