summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
