I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
