you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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