So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
