I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
