that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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