did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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