My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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