I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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