Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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