It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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