So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Even my vagina gasped.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
