Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
