yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
