yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
