I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
