My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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