You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
