wakey wakey hands off snakey
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You need Xanax blowdarts
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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