roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
