Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
